The Confidence Gap

I come from a lower middle-class family, just like most people in India.
And with that come certain behaviors, thoughts, perceptions, strengths, and weaknesses.

But let’s focus on the weaknesses for a moment.

The biggest weakness I felt I had, and still have, is a lack of confidence while doing “expensive” things.

Take going to Starbucks as an example.

I’ve never felt confident walking in and ordering a latte.
Even with full pockets, I still feel like I don’t belong there, like I’m not made for places like that.

I saw something similar happen with one of my friends.

He took his first flight and got lounge access for the first time.
He speaks really good English, yet while talking to the crew, he admitted that he fumbled.

At first, it feels like this comes from being middle class.
Like we carry some invisible burden or debt with us.

But I think the answer lies deeper than that.

It’s not really about being poor or underprivileged.

It’s about being unfamiliar.

• An amateur
• A novice
• A stranger
• A newcomer

To anything:

• Starbucks
• Flights
• Big brands
• New places
• New people

The privileged and wealthy grow up around these experiences.
They’ve had access to them since childhood.

And familiarity creates comfort.
Comfort creates confidence.

The Plot Twist

This gives rise to a few important questions:

• Why does this happen?
• How does it affect our lives?
• And how do we change that?

Here’s the answer I arrived at.

We, as humans, have evolved to reduce uncertainty and optimize for predictable outcomes.

Why?

Because uncertainty feels like risk.
Uncertainty feels like inexperience.
And so does anything that is new to you.

Anything unfamiliar becomes uncertainty, and uncertainty becomes risk.

Be it people, environments, decisions, or career paths.

And humans are naturally risk-averse.
We are wired to analyze risk constantly.

We’ll happily give up potential rewards if there’s even a small chance of loss.
And we’ll fear things we’ve never tried before.

And this shapes us.

Because the decisions we make, the paths we choose, and the uncertainties we avoid eventually become our life.

It decides:

• The people you stay with
• The thoughts you think
• The goals you chase
• The people you admire
• The hobbies you pursue

Everything.

So How Do We Change That?

You learn to do the things you want to do but aren’t confident enough to try.

It could be:

• Meeting new people as an introvert
• Going to a village and dealing with farming problems for an elite kid
• Walking into a BMW showroom and trying every single car interior for me

We change by doing.

Because there is no other way around it.

It’s all about saying:

“F*CK IT.”

And going for it.

That, and just that, changes everything.

So if you’re afraid of talking to people, go do that.
Because nobody really cares!

And if that discomfort helps you grow into a better version of yourself, that’s a trade worth taking.

Otherwise, later, it only turns into regret.

Adios.